Immediately after, an exam was required. Refusing wasn't an option no matter how much She cried. Her mother took her to her family doctor, but before the appointment started, they had to leave. The Girl was panicked about the exam happening and now she was just as scared that it wouldn't. It was discovered that they didn't have small enough equipment that were required. They had to go to the local Children's Hospital. She remembers being in a dim from with a doctor and a couple of nurses. One held her hand and tried to talk to her in soothing words. The Girl remembers talking about horses, but the only thing she recalls about the exam is that the light from the lamp was warm.
Then there were conversations with Her mother about what She wanted to happen. Did She never want to see him? Did She want everything to attempt some kind of "normalcy?" Without understanding what She was feeling or meant, She replied that she wanted things back to normal.
Her father was bailed out of jail, because it was what her mother felt was best. The Girl doesn't know much about it, simply because she wasn't privy to it. Her father never lived in the family home again. Without fully explaining why, he went to live with his own aunt.
There was court mandated therapy for The Girl. Her father as well, She would soon learn. She remembers her counselor. A woman, Dr T. The Girl simply shut down through these months of therapy. She remembers complaining about her mother not allowing her to use hairspray and surely many other trivial things. Never once did she talk about the molestation unless directly asked. She had shoved it away, refused to remember or acknowledge the memories. The Girl succeeded in shutting them out altogether.
Months passed and it came near to Spring Break. The Girl was asked if She'd like to spend it at her other aunts home. This aunt would be her father's sister. The Girl was mildly looking forward to this, when Her mother told her that that wasn't an option anymore. The reason would soon come to light.
Her mother explained that her father had to leave where he was staying and had nowhere to go. He couldn't come stay in the family home because he wasn't allowed to be around The Girl. So, they asked if she would like to stay with her Grandmother and Grandfather. They had moved further south in their state, so it must have sounded fun.
On the day She left, her mother drove her. Still in their own driveway, her mother handed her an Easter basket. Her mother explained that she didn't know how to tell Her that the Easter Bunny wasn't real (though nearing 11, she already knew).
Her Grandmother took her to some nearby outlets to go shopping. She got a new dress- dark blue, pink flowers. New white tights and shiny white shoes. It was time for the Spring Forward time change, and She purposefully didn't remind her Grandmother. She wasn't looking forward to church.
The next morning, they were and hour late and had missed Sunday School. She remembers being forced to shake hands with many people, which she resented. She had developed an aversion to people touching her at all.
Her clearest memory is crying in the sanctuary. Her Grandmother kept trying to force her to the front of the church so that she could repent of her sin. Grandmother wanted her to admit to God and church that she had lied about her father molesting her. The Girl refused and for the rest of the week made her pray at her home, trying to force her to admit that she lied.
What came out later was just as shocking. The reason that The Girl hasn't been able to stay with her aunt was because her Grandmother had convinced the aunt not to let her. After all, the woman claimed, what would happen if The Girl lied about her uncle or cousin the way She had about her father?
Eventually, seven or so months after the arrest, Dr T proposed a joint session. Her father would be there, and She could ask any questions she wanted. Her heart pounded when the date arrives. She curled up as small as she could into the corner of the sofa. Her mother sat on a nearby chair. When her father came in, he sat in the chair furthest from The Girl. She made no eye contact or move for a long time. And when She finally spoke, being prodded by Dr. T, She simply asked, "Why?"
"I don't know."
She didn't speak anymore, no matter who said what.
The therapy sessions ended soon after. Unbeknownst to Her, Dr T recommended termination to the court due to lack progress. The Girl wouldn't acknowledge or talk about the abuse, and there was simply nothing the Doctor. could do to help Her.
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